A confidence crisis: Teens are demeaning themselves

The gym was muggy and stagnant, steaming like freshly broken Pillsbury biscuits, as I sat in a circle with the rest of the elementary school running club. Each of us, munching on avocado popcorn or fiddling with the foam of our sneakers, had a neon piece of cardstock and a pen in front of our feet. We were asked to fill it with something seemingly simple: what made us feel confident in ourselves and characteristics that we were proud of. I grasped for things to say.

Even in the fourth grade, I didn’t want to come off as conceited or arrogant; I was scared of being judged. So, with greasy fingers, I timidly scribbled, “I’m pretty good at writing” and “I’m usually focused.” After I read what I wrote out loud, my club counselor came over, took my pen and scribbled out certain words in each sentence until they said, “I’m good at writing” and “I’m focused.” The confidence and assertion that each edited sentence carried was something novel to me. It made me realize, however, that maybe embracing my strengths was the right thing to do. Maybe it’s not cocky to be self-assured.

Now, six years later as a high school sophomore, it seems as though every day when I walk into school, the self-deprecation of our generation is palpable. After struggling with an algebra equation, “I’m stupid” usually follows. While washing hands in the bathroom and looking in the mirror, “I’m ugly” spews in response. Even phrases that are thrown around as a joke or to make a situation lighter, such as saying “I hate myself” in an attempt to avoid embarrassment after making a mistake, shine a light into our collective subconscious and, therefore, what we truly think.

It seems as though there is an epidemic occurring among teens: to deny ourselves credit, to belittle ourselves and, as health writer Elizabeth Plumptre puts it, “ensure that there is no assumption of ego.”

This self-deprecation can be indicative of a lack of confidence and low self-esteem and can even be a cry for help. It causes positive self-perception to dwindle, depression and anxiety to fester, and optimism to feel foreign.

Normalizing self-deprecation by our generation, and the fact it seems ingrained in our humor and day-to-day interactions, means all of these unconscious and potentially harmful side effects are overlooked. Across social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok, trends are followed with #selfdeprecation, #selfdeprecatinghumor, #selfdeprecatingmemes and #selfdeprecationnation, with thousands upon thousands of posts. Users’ feeds show everything from comparing oneself to trash, to critiquing how one looks in certain lighting, to joking about mental illness in a way that begins to chip away the joke and leave a harmful message.

This doesn’t mean we have to dispel this type of humor, but we should be spending more time normalizing the other end of the spectrum, confidence, and addressing the causes and side effects of self-deprecation. We shouldn’t have to fear being perceived as conceited or arrogant when we take pride in ourselves. “I did well” should be used in jargon as much as, if not more than, “I suck.”

But how do we encourage this change? On the other side of the coin, there are also many movements to counter self-depreciation. Social media users promote trends embracing insecurities and intrinsic optimism on the same platforms that can be used to demean. Even outside of social media, individuals can adopt a posture of self-assurance and positivity and seek out a support system to bolster that view. According to psychologist Barbara Markway, who has authored several books on social anxiety, confidence leads to less fear and anxiety, greater motivation, more resilience, improved relationships and “stronger sense of your authentic self.”

Despite this, many in our generation still believe demonstrating confidence is something to shy away from.

This is why we have to find a balance. Humor is something used to cope, to lighten and to bond. It is foundational and necessary. Given that self-deprecation is such a part of our generation’s humor, changing this dialogue completely is not an effective way of solving the issue. Perhaps what we need is a perspective shift. Laughing at yourself and the absurdities of the world can help us cope and develop resilience, as long as we are also practicing self-care, developing confidence in ourselves by pursuing our passions, and celebrating our uniqueness rather than negatively comparing ourselves to others. Ultimately, the goal should be to normalize self-confidence and recognize that it’s OK to write positive things about yourself on the neon cardstock in the muggy gym.